Love Notes: Plant Seeds of Self-Esteem and Courage in Your Kids
Last fall I took a parenting class with Julie Ross and she highlighted four ways parents unintentionally discourage their kids. Things we as parents do every day with the best of intentions that often eat away at our kids self-confidence. We do this by:
Having negative expectations. Example, “Be careful, don’t hurt yourself” or “Don’t forget to do your homework.”
Over protecting and doing things for them that they could do for themselves. Ex., rescuing our child from poor grades or bruised egos. Making decisions about after school clubs or sports.
Focusing on their mistakes. Ex., harping on the one C they got.
Being perfectionists. Ex., making them feel like your love is conditional on certain types of behavior, that they have to earn it.
When a kid is discouraged by a parent, it sticks in their heart for a long time.
Every kid deserves unconditional love and regard from their parents. It doesn’t mean we have to condone everything they do, we just have to love and accept them for who they are.
So how do we as parents help build their self-esteem? There are numerous ways, but today I want to highlight a fun exercise Julie assigned us as homework to help cultivate it - writing LOVE TICKETS to our kids. It was on my mind this week as so many people around the world exchanged love notes for Valentines.
A “love ticket” (I often prefer to say "heart note") is a communication in writing that expresses unconditional love to your child. It can either be a note of love or a reflection of a past positive event.
For example, “Dear O, I love you to the moon and back. Love, Mom”
Or “ Dear H, I have great memories of rafting down the river with you last summer and chatting about Minecraft. Love, Mom”
You leave it somewhere where they will find it and read it on their own, like on their desk, lunch box or notebook. Be creative and have fun with it. You can use sticky notes, index cards or get fancy if you are the artsy type.
You can also leave notes like: “I just wanted to let you know I noticed that you cleaned the dishes today. Thank you. Mom” But you don’t want to sign these with I love you because you don’t love them because they did this! They don’t need to earn your acceptance and love.
The key to these heart notes is that you don’t ask if they saw them or what they thought of them. Just write them and let them go.
If they come and ask you about them, just say “it was just a note,” smile and don’t stop writing them even if they say they are stupid. 😉
These notes build courage in your kids even if at the seeds building level.
My teenage boys think they are dorky but I can confirm they are much kinder and nicer to me as a result of them. I am convinced they secretly like them.
Some kids treasure them for a lifetime. Others throw them away. Don’t take it personally. Just enjoy giving love.
Some clients even delight in writing these for their partners and colleagues. The key is to not expect any acknowledgement in return.
Happy heart noting❣️
~~~
✨ If you are struggling to move forward on a goal and you'd like a coach in your corner, reach out to me. I’d love to support you. Schedule a free discovery call to explore ways in which we can work together.✨