Increase Your Self-Confidence with These 3 Steps
How self-confident are you? On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate yourself? Is your self-confidence holding you back in any way in your professional or personal life? If so, I have some good news. It's not a gene that some of us are born with, but a muscle you can develop and become skilled in.
Self-confidence is the feeling of being secure in yourself and your abilities without any evidence. It’s an unshakeable faith in your capacity to learn, try and not give up!
It’s what you want to feel when trying something new, stepping outside of your comfort zone and going after that goal you’ve been afraid of.
It’s the emotion of growth that will propel you towards your dreams if you are willing to cultivate and nurture it.
Here are three things you can do to develop your self-confidence:
1) Manage your opinion of yourself.
What you think of yourself generates or depletes your self-confidence.
Try this mini exercise. How do you feel when you think the thoughts “I don’t have what it takes” versus “I can figure this out”?
Embody these two sentences and notice how each of them makes you feel in your body.
For me, the former is deflating and the latter uplifting. Perhaps one makes you feel self-doubt and the other self-confident.
Because your thoughts create your feelings, what you think about yourself determines whether you feel self-confident or not.
So bring awareness to your thoughts. Notice what is swirling around in your brain. Daily journaling and thought downloads are helpful in helping you determine what your dominant thoughts are.
You want to learn how to be kind to yourself and have your own back. When you fail, you want to know you aren’t going to make it mean anything terrible about yourself thereby increasing your suffering.
A self-confident person is going to think they are strong, capable, and worthy no matter what.
They don’t need evidence from their past or someone else to prove this. They know their worthiness is innate. They simply generate the thoughts and feelings that fuel the action they want to take in their life.
It takes practice to really own and believe this. We weren’t all taught to think this way.
For example, if you are applying for a job you might think “I have so much value to offer this company!” This generates a feeling of self-confidence which will likely increase your chances of rocking the interview.
And if you don’t get the job, you might think “I have so much value to offer the world… the perfect job is out there waiting for me to find it.” Again, this generates the self-confidence you need to keep looking and applying for other jobs.
A self-confident person knows how to have their own back no matter what hurdles life presents along their path!
2) Be willing to experience any feeling.
If you are open to experiencing any feeling, nothing will stand in your way as you experiment and fail your way to success.
Most of us avoid, resist or react negatively to uncomfortable feelings which deprives us of the opportunity to grow.
However, learning how to embrace and move through your negative emotions like fear, humiliation, and defeat allows you to go all in and increase your chances of succeeding.
So how do you embrace and allow your negative feelings?
It helps to start with understanding what a feeling is. It’s a vibration or sensation you experience in your body that is caused by a conscious or unconscious thought you have.
For example, many years ago I wasn’t able to turn in a project on time and my boss chastised me in front of everyone in a staff meeting. One of the many thoughts I had was: “Oh no, now everyone thinks I’m not capable” which led me to feel embarrassed.
My cheeks flushed, my chest closed in and my body tensed. It made me want to hide and not put myself in that position again.
As a result, I withdrew from engaging in the meeting and didn’t speak up the rest of the day. I also hesitated to go after difficult projects for fear of not meeting the deadline and risking being embarrassed again.
Embarrassment is an uncomfortable physical experience but if I just allowed the feeling in my body to vibrate through me and move on with self-compassion, then no harm done. I could have focused my energy the rest of the day on completing my project, learning from my mistake and doing better next time.
This would have increased my chances of attaining the promotion I was aiming for. Embarrassment doesn’t mean anything until I give it meaning with my thoughts or translate it into actions that don’t serve my end goal (like hiding and disengaging).
So if you are willing to embrace any feeling that life presents you with such as embarrassment, humiliation, judgement, fear, guilt, etc., you will be flooded with self-confidence. Nothing will stand in your way.
Think about it. The worst that can ever happen is usually just a negative feeling you created with your own thoughts, which is simply an uncomfortable vibration in your body.
If you decide you are willing to sit through the discomfort of it in order to grow and achieve your goal you’ve found the golden ticket to success.
3) Trust yourself.
This means following through on your plans and trusting that you will do what you said you will do. Consistent follow-through develops a sense of trust and integrity of yourself.
You show up for yourself just like you would for your boss, your best friend or loved ones. Show up like you have a luncheon with Oprah.
For example, when you put something on the calendar you want to know it is as good as done! You must rely on yourself.
Final Thoughts
Many of us lack self-confidence because we are afraid of feeling our emotions, don’t understand how to manage our minds, and have low opinions of ourselves.
The good news is self-confidence comes from changing our thoughts about ourselves and learning how to embrace difficult emotions. It is a skill we can learn. Self-confidence is a practiced self-belief.
Notice what thoughts you might be thinking on a daily basis that are creating self-doubt in your life and robbing you of self-confidence. Question them. Are they serving you?
Then spend some time generating thoughts that resonate with you in order to start cultivating self-confidence in your life. Here are some examples I use:
What others think of me is 100% about them.
Fear is no big deal.
The worst that can happen is a feeling.
I have my own back.
My potential is limitless.
Worry only pretends to be necessary.
What I make it mean is the worst that can happen.
Let them judge me.
Let them be wrong about me.
Practice self-confidence by picking something each day or every week that scares you and be willing to 1) feel any emotion that comes along with it, 2) manage your opinion of yourself, and 3) trust yourself. With each challenge you’ll build the muscle of self-confidence.
If you want a coach by your side along this journey to guide and support you, set a discovery call to get started. I can help you achieve your goals. Sign up for a Discovery Call today.
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