Tips For Showing Up As the Best Version of Yourself

A lot of emotions were soaring last week as we awaited the outcome of the presidential elections. 

Judgemental and self-righteous accusations were cast right and left like there was no tomorrow. 

I’ll admit, occasionally I jumped into the fray and made jabs as well. The conspiracy theories got to me. 

But to what end? 

A more divided country?

I didn’t show up as my best self. 

How is alienating the other side even further going to actualize our dream of building a united and brighter future for America? 

The high one gets from throwing jabs is fleeting.

If we are honest with ourselves, the “jabs” (no matter which side they come from) are really cheap shots attempting to make ourselves feel better at the expense of others. 

It’s deceptive. 

Judgement, self-righteousness and hatred towards others doesn’t really make us feel good or serve any productive purpose in our lives. 

We may get a temporary boost of adrenaline by speaking up or get cheers from our friends (gaining a sense of inclusion with others based on the identity of hatred towards others), but by vilifying the “villain” we become a villain ourselves. 

We basically become a lesser version of who we want to be.

For example, when we vilify the President and dehumanize his followers we become the villains we’ve been accusing them of being. (Or vice versa.)

We end up creating the very issue we were criticizing in the first place.

If we desire a vibrant future for ourselves and our country, I invite you to explore coming from a place of compassion, curiosity and understanding towards those you want to judge and demonize - even if it feels justified.

I’m the first to admit that this is easier said than done. 

I’ve struggled with this during the elections and on a personal level with my tween who keeps lying to me about completing his homework.

But the question I keep coming back to is, how do I want to show up in this world? 

Do I want to show up with outrage, self-righteousness and judgement? 

Or with compassion, love and understanding? 

Which one is going to be more productive and create lasting change that I want to see in the world?

When I think about it in terms of dealing with my son’s repeated lying about homework, the answer is clear. Love and compassion is the answer. So why wouldn’t I take the same approach at a macro level?

It’s easier to judge and get on our high horse when we vehemently disagree with someone than it is to tap into compassion, curiosity and understanding. 

Instead, we could get curious. Ask why do they have this perspective? What do we have in common? How can we bridge the gap?

Love would be amazing to tap into but I can understand how that might be a stretch when it comes to the election. But if you can get there go for it. After all, we are all humans and we have much more in common than we think. 😉

There are two compelling reasons to tap into feelings of compassion, love, curiosity and understanding in situations like this:

1. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER: Because our thoughts create our feelings and feelings are vibrations in OUR body, we are the ones experiencing the feelings we create. Other people don’t experience our feelings. 

Your well-being is on the line here!

If we regularly choose feelings of judgement, self-righteousness and hate, that is fine. But it means we regularly walk around suffering as a result. 

Again, nothing wrong with this, we just want to OWN the fact that we are creating uncomfortable feelings with our thoughts and allow ourselves to properly process them. Resisting, avoiding and reacting to them will only make them worse. 

On the other hand, compassion, curiosity and understanding feels much better to carry around all day in our bodies. It’s our choice.

2. OPEN DOORS FROM A PLACE OF STRENGTH: Judgment, hatred and self-righteous are connection barriers. They close doors to listening to others. They are going to keep you stuck.  

Whereas compassion, love, curiosity and understanding for another human being are going to open doors and build bridges. 

It doesn’t mean you condone the other person’s behavior. It simply puts you in place of strength to figure out a path forward and gives collaboration a better shot.  

SO HOW DO WE CHANGE OUR FEELINGS?

Bring awareness to our thoughts. How we feel about each other comes from our thoughts about each other. What we think and say about each other matters. 

It’s a practice. It starts with noticing and choosing our words internally and externally.

We’ve learned as a culture to demonize and dehumanize the other side like they aren’t people just like you and me, fighting for the wellbeing of their families and communities. Look for the evidence of what we have in common versus focusing on all our differences.

We are all human and none of us are perfect. It’s a place to start.

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