Breaking Bad Habits: 4 Steps
Last week I introduced you to James Clear’s four 4 laws to creating a good habit from his book Atomic Habits. Make it (1) obvious, (2) attractive, (3) easy and (4) satisfying. If you missed it you can read it here.
But many of you were left hanging with the question, but how do I break a bad habit? 😜
Fear not, I got you. I have a few myself that I'm working on and Mr. Clear outlines 4 laws to follow to break any undesirable habit you’re ready to let go of.
His solution is to do the OPPOSITE of creating a good habit: Make it (1) invisible, (2) unattractive, (3) difficult and (4) unsatisfying.
So let’s dive in.
1. Make it Invisible
You have probably discovered from personal experience that you can break a habit but you’re unlikely to forget it.
E.g. A few years ago I stopped eating sugar but this past fall I regressed when the boredom of the pandemic took its toll on me. I had to recommit to going off it again as of January 1st. I’m happy to report I'm back on track and feeling much better.
In Atomic Habits, James Clear states that “once the mental grooves of a habit have been carved into your brain, they are nearly impossible to remove entirely -- even if they go unused for quite a while. And that means that simply resisting temptation is an ineffective strategy.”
How often have you sworn off dessert only to have it a week or month later? 🤷♀️
In the short-term you can use willpower but in the long-run the only way to consistently succeed is to cut off exposure to the cue (in this case the dessert).
So if for example you’re eating more dessert than you'd like, don’t have any dessert lying around the house! Empty your shelves and fridge. And don’t let the waiter give you the dessert menu at the restaurant!
It’s easier to avoid temptation than to resist it.
Make the cues for your bad habits invisible and those for your good habits obvious!
2. Make it Unattractive
Another key to breaking an old habit is REFRAMING your associations with it. (Thoughtwork!)
For instance, you can highlight the hazards of the habit to make it less attractive and associate it with negative feelings.
For example, if you want to reduce the amount of desserts you consume, researching the negative effects of sugar on your heath would make the habit less attractive. Knowing the facts can help you find confidence in your reframing. (But you can also believe whatever you want.)
Also, consider not using desserts to celebrate happy moments in your life like birthdays or graduations so you don’t correlate sweets with celebratory occasions and feeling good.
Noting (and remembering) how you FEEL after you overeat desserts and associating that negative FEELING with the habit is also a useful tactic.
For example, if you feel terrible or bloated after you eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, note and remember that. This helps you learn to associate Ben & Jerry’s with feeling terrible and bloated and thus less likely to eat it again. Who wants to feel terrible and bloated? Not me.
3. Make it Difficult
As humans we have a tendency to do what is easy and convenient. Energy is precious. It is human nature to follow the law of least effort. So increasing the friction (number of steps) between you and an undesired habit is a great way to break it.
For example, if you find yourself on your phone too much, turn it off or leave it in the other room for a few hours. If that isn’t enough friction, give your phone to someone else and tell them not to give it to you for 4 hours. Or if you are addicted to your social media apps, delete them during the week and reinstall them on the weekends (or have your partner do it and put a new password on app downloads so you can’t cheat).
You can also use a tactic called acommitment device, a choice you make in the present that benefits your actions in the future.
For example, when you go to a restaurant, you pay the bill immediately after you order your main entree so you aren't tempted to order dessert afterwards. Or when you go for a walk you leave your wallet at home so you aren’t tempted to buy some junk food along the route. Both increase the odds that you’ll do the right thing in the future.
4. Make it Unsatisfying
Just like we are more likely to repeat an experience when the ending is satisfying, we are also more likely to avoid an experience when the ending is painful. Pain is an effective teacher.
The best way to achieve this is through a habit contract of sorts, a written or verbal agreement in which you state your commitment to a particular habit and the punishment you will incur if you don’t follow through. Then you find 1-2 people to act as your accountability partners.
For example, let’s say you commit to not eating desserts for a full year. Every time you fail, you owe your accountability partner $25 to use as they see fit. 😆 It makes the costs of your bad habits public and painful, and thus a major deterrent.
Or you can post it on social media because we generally care deeply about what others think of us. Knowing that someone else is watching can be a powerful motivator.
So what bad habits would you like to make invisible, unattractive, difficult and unsatisfying this spring?
If you'd like some help working on building good habits and breaking bad ones, reach out to me. I'd love to support you. Over the last few years I've broken a lot of habits that weren't serving me like drinking wine and coffee and eating sugar, and replaced them with habits that support my needs like daily meditation. I'm by no means perfect, but I've been there and have the tools to help you.
Set up a free discovery call to explore the ways we could work together and if we are a good match.
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