Guilt Can Be a Useful Signal
Have you been experiencing guilt and don’t know what to do about it?
Maybe you feel guilty because you set a goal and aren’t following through on it? Or that you aren’t spending enough time with your family? Or that you have more freedom than others simply because of where you were born? Whatever the case, it’s a common emotion.
Guilt doesn’t feel good and so we often want to shift the blame for it onto others.
For example, you may feel guilty that you aren’t spending enough time with your family. You may blame it on them because they often complain that they aren’t seeing enough of you and beg to see you. Or you may blame it on work’s crazy hours.
Whatever the case, guilt doesn’t come from external factors, it comes from within.
Whether you feel guilty about it or not depends on the LENS you use to interpret things. What are you making it mean about you?
The “lens” or perspective can be colored by your values, past experiences, cultural norms, religion, time priorities, etc.
For example, if you agree with your family then you might accept the guilt.
If you disagree with them because you’re comfortable with how much time you’re spending with them or you are clear that you have other priorities at the moment, then you don’t feel guilty.
Either way, your thoughts about it create your feelings.
Again, your family isn't making you feel guilty, it's how you’re interpreting their words or the situation.
The good news is that you have control over your guilt.
Unfortunately we aren’t all master mind Jedis (yet!), so when guilt comes knocking on your door, use it to your advantage.
It can be a useful RED FLAG or alarm system that something isn’t in alignment in your life.
Many of your thoughts are often subconscious but the pang of guilt in your body can be a useful alert letting you know something deserves your loving attention.
Perhaps you aren’t living in alignment with your values, intentions and belief system, OR you need to weed out some thoughts that aren’t serving you anymore?!
So what can you do? Here are three steps:
1. Stop and Listen: Stop and notice where the feeling of guilt is coming from. Listen to yourself. What thoughts are creating guilt?
Differentiate between empathy and guilt. Understanding how others are feeling is helpful but that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for managing their feelings.
2. Question and Check-In: Get curious about your thoughts and belief systems causing the guilt. Question them, what are the facts versus your subjective thoughts? Check-in and ask yourself if those thoughts are in line with your current values, intentions and goals? Are they thoughts you want to keep or is it time to let them go?
Evaluate whether your own standards are realistic. Are you trying to be a perfectionist?
3. Align and Take Action: If you’re out of alignment with your values and intentions, then you can thank guilt for bringing awareness to it and then take aligned action to make it right. That is sometimes referred to as healthy guilt. It serves a useful motivational purpose.
On the other hand, if you’re feeling guilty for something that doesn’t make sense to you and isn’t in alignment with your value system, then you need to do the hard work of examining those thoughts and letting them go.
When left unexamined guilt can fester and become debilitating. That doesn’t serve you or the ones you’re concerned about.
You don’t get a medal for a guilty conscience. Either take action to get back in alignment with what you believe in or stand at ease in your decision and say good-bye to guilt.
So the next time guilt pops up in your life, see it as a gift and opportunity to get back in alignment with your values OR as an opportunity to let go of thoughts that no longer serve you.
#guilt #successfulmindset