How To Practice Unconditional Self-Love

Do you love all parts of you unconditionally?
 

Do you give yourself unconditional love when life gets challenging?

Unconditional self-love is loving yourself with no strings attached. 

You love the good and the so-called bad, ugly, broken that you see in yourself. 

You believe you are worthy of your love no matter what you’ve done or anyone has said about you.

I thought I was someone who gave myself unconditional love but recently I was challenged with this while discussing my chronic migraines with my coach. She noted that I didn’t love the part of me that experienced migraines. 

She asked “what if you could love the part of you that experiences chronic pain? How would that feel?”

Whaaattt?!?! I hadn’t fully really realized I wasn’t doing that. She was right. I hated that part of me - the part of me that was often in pain.

I balked at first. How could I love the part of me that experienced pain? I resented it! It had tortured me for over a decade. It wasn’t fair. I often felt like a victim. I knew to give myself lots of compassion, but did I really have to love that part of me? My whole mission for years has been to find a solution to it and make it end. 

But she kept encouraging me to imagine it. “What would it feel like to love that part of you too? What would it feel like to love ALL of Melody? What would it feel like to love the part of you that forgets to ‘think on purpose’ sometimes about your migraines? What would it feel like to give yourself love and compassion when you’re in the middle of severe chronic pain?” 

Of course it feels comforting because love always feels amazing. Love feels warm and delightful inside. It can even feel exhilarating. If one could choose any emotion from a menu of emotions to feel, why wouldn’t we choose love?!

It would certainly take the edge off the physical pain. 

It would be better than the feelings of judgement, anger, despair, and frustration which I feel if I don't remember to think deliberately about my pain. These negative feelings compound my suffering both physically and mentally. 

It’s very likely that up-leveling my thinking and giving myself unconditional love around my migraines will diffuse some of the pain instead of compounding it with the tension that my negative emotions can create in my body. 
 

So how does one practice unconditional self-love?


It starts with our thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings.


For example, I regularly practice bringing awareness to my negative thoughts around my migraines, get curious about them, question them and try to find evidence to the contrary. Then I look for thoughts that i can believe about myself that create the feeling of love in my body. For example, "Despite my pain I am still strong and beautiful on the inside and out." 

Sometimes just starting with a neutral feeling and building up to love is where we need to start. So if you hate your body you might want to start with the thought "I have a body" which creates a neutral feeling. Then grow into believing "I'm beginning to believe I have a beautiful body" to "I'm beautiful" and ultimately to believing "I'm always worthy." This is called bridge thinking, slowly bridging the gap between what you believe now and what you want you ultimately believe about yourself and thus genuinely feel. 

We can apply this concept of unconditional self-love to many other areas of our lives at work and home.

Where might you benefit from loving yourself unconditionally?

Are you judging yourself when you don’t get your work done?

Are you critical of yourself when you don’t live up to your perfectionist standards? 

Do you dislike the way you look?

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and said “damn, you look amazing” or “wow, you really are doing your best at work these days!”? 

You don’t need to rock it at work, cook dinner for the kids daily, run a marathon, or lose 30 pounds to deserve your unconditional love.

Your worthiness is innate. You were born with it.

Unconditional love has no conditions. You get to love yourself no matter what. No strings attached.

We all deserve to give ourselves the gift of unconditional self-love no matter how we show up in the world. 

What would your work week look like if you loved yourself unconditionally?

How would you feel if you stopped judging yourself?

How would you show up differently for yourself, your kids, your spouse and everyone you loved?

If this is a topic that resonates with you, pick one area to work on this week where you could benefit from giving yourself unconditional self-love and practice it. Bring awareness to to it. Get curious about it. Drop any judgement you might have. Shower yourself with love. See what happens.

Let me know how it goes. 


P.S. I'm opening up a few new 1:1 coaching spots in my Master Working from Home Signature program this fall for high achieving moms who want to take back their time, achieve their lost goals and rediscover themselves. There is never a better a time to create the life you desire. Click on the button below to set up a free discovery call to learn more.

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