What To Do With Your Feelings (Feelings Part II)

Last week we talked about the importance of your feelings and getting into the habit of noticing them without judgement. If you missed it click here. 

Once you’ve gotten good at noticing your feelings throughout the day without judgment, commit to BEING WITH the feeling and not RESISTING it (pushing it away or numbing it out), BURYING it (avoiding it all together) or REACTING to it (for example, screaming at loved ones). 

Your feelings are not a problem. Positive and negative emotions are normal and a beautiful part of the human experience. 

Work on letting go of any self-judgment for feeling a certain way. 

I know this is easier said than done. Acceptance of our feelings can take days, months or years sometimes. You are unwinding long-standing habits and cultural norms. Keep working on this.

I also find it helpful to know that our feelings are simply vibrations in our body. 

Some are pleasant to experience and others are uncomfortable. For example, we like how love vibrates in our bodies, but not fear. So we welcome love and resist fear by numbing it out with drugs, food, Netflix binging, blaming others, etc.

The easiest way to work through an emotion is to ALLOW it to be present in our bodies and feel the accompanied physical sensations.

For example, let’s look at a feeling I don’t like and struggle with - restlessness.

When I feel restless, I experience a dull ache throughout my body that is distracting. The backs of my knees radiate a slight pain and I just want to move. I find this distracting and thus hard to focus on my work. (BTW, restlessness may feel totally different in your body - feelings manifest differently in different people). I don’t like the feeling, so my unconscious way of dealing with it is to distract myself with food or cleaning the house to dull the sensation.

So my first step is to notice and name the feeling. In this case, “I’m feeling restless.”

Step two, is to sit with this physical discomfort for at least 90 seconds or more at a time. It helps to breathe into it by taking slow and deep nasal breaths, noticing where all the sensations are showing up in my body.

Step three, I remind myself to be compassionate with myself and release any self-judgements about feeling restless. “Feelings are normal and nothing has gone wrong.”

If I start resisting or backing away from the feeling, I acknowledge it by noting that “I’m resisting restlessness” and gently bring myself back to feeling it in my body.

The key to processing an emotion is to drop into your body and try your best to get out of your thinking brain. 

How do you know you’re doing this? If there is a lot of “noise” in your head, you’re probably indulging in the emotion and not actually allowing it to move through you.

Invitation to Practice: Pick a feeling that’s uncomfortable for you and practice feeling it in your body over the coming weeks using the three steps: 1) Name it, 2) Allow it, and 3) Practice self-compassion.

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I came to coaching because I wanted help in setting goals for different areas of life and finding a clear path to reach those goals. I also struggled with overcoming my bias and fear of putting myself out there professionally and defining what I have to offer. After coaching with Melody, I feel laser-focused, motivated, and purposeful about goals in all areas of my life. I also know some very specific strategies to use to increase my overall happiness and motivation."

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