Dream Blockers: #6 Poor Emotional Regulation & How to Overcome It
Welcome back to week 6 of our journey towards achieving our big dreams and goals. As we delve deeper into understanding the obstacles that stand in our way, we gain the power to overcome them and move closer to success.
Today, we'll explore the common hindrance of being unable to process our emotions and feelings effectively and how it can hinder our progress. Fun stuff! 😉 Don’t run away. Hear me out.
The Uncomfortable Journey
When we dare to chase our dreams and goals, we often find ourselves stepping out of our comfort zone. Venturing into the unknown can evoke a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, such as fear, anxiety, or self-doubt - a challenge many of us face when taking on new roles, changing careers, or becoming an entrepreneur.
Understanding the Difference
Before we begin, it's essential to note the difference between emotions and feelings. Emotions are automatic physiological responses to stimuli, while feelings are the conscious and cognitive interpretations of those emotions. This blog will primarily focus on feelings caused by our conscious or unconscious thoughts.
When we have a thought like “there is no way I can pull this off well,” it creates a feeling that shows up in our body as a sensation. For some, it might be resignation, fear, self-doubt - whatever it is, it will likely create a sensation in our body that feels uncomfortable, like tension in our forehead, jaw, or shoulders. It varies from body to body.
Our instinctual response may be to run away from these uncomfortable sensations, seeking temporary relief through unhealthy coping distractions like too much alcohol, food, or Netflix. Yet, in doing so, we divert our attention away from our aspirations and impede our progress.
Furthermore, this “buffering” often creates secondary problems like alcoholism or weight gain that further distract us from our goals. For example, when I first started blogging years ago, it was so uncomfortable to put myself out there that I used to soothe my way through the process by eating. This led to some weight gain and required effort to address it. Effort I could have been spending on my goals.
3 Ways to Process Your Feelings and Discomfort:
To make sustained progress towards our goals, we must learn to confront and sit with these uncomfortable feelings. It's not an easy task, but it's a crucial step towards personal growth and success.
I have found that this process of handling feelings is a lifelong journey, and each time I level up in my business, I need to apply these three techniques to new levels.
1) Acknowledge Feelings with Compassion
Recognize that feelings are merely sensations in our bodies, often influenced by our conscious or unconscious thoughts. Embrace the fact that they are a natural part of being human. Refrain from burying or resisting them, as this only intensifies their impact in the long term. By acknowledging and processing them effectively, we avoid allowing them to get trapped in our bodies and fester for years.
So when feelings arise, meet them without judgment and with compassion. Observe how they feel in your body and be kind to yourself, understanding that it's okay to experience such feelings. Remember, they don't define who you are.
2) Sit with the Discomfort
Understand that feelings typically last for 60-90 seconds at a time. You can handle 90 seconds at a time. Practice sitting with the discomfort without trying to escape it. Breathing slowly and mindfully through your nose can help you endure the sensations. This is especially helpful with processing emotions as well.
Alternatively, engaging in physical activities like walking, dancing, or exercising can redirect your focus and calm your nervous system, especially for heavier feelings and emotions.
3) Challenge Your Thoughts
If certain feelings persist and hinder your progress, examine the thoughts that give rise to them. Journal and uncover what stories are replaying in your mind.
Question your thoughts and consider alternative perspectives. Embrace thoughts that serve your vision and discard those that hold you back. This is an area where working with a compassionate coach or therapist can be really helpful.
Final Thoughts
As you practice sitting with discomfort, you'll realize that it's an integral part of life. You'll develop the ability to take action despite the uneasy sensations coursing through you.
Additionally, you might also notice that avoiding your big dreams or goals also brings discomfort, in the form of sadness, resentment, anger, frustration, or lack of fulfillment. Given that discomfort is almost inevitable, why not choose the “discomfort” that leads to your big dreams and goals? Get my drift?! 😉
So to wrap-up, next time you feel discomfort of your feelings coming on 1) acknowledge it with compassion, 2) sit in the discomfort of it and breathe through your nose knowing you are safe and that it is okay to feel this way, and 3) challenge the thoughts behind these feelings.
Trust that this will eventually pass, and you'll emerge stronger, wiser, and closer to your big dreams and goals.
If you have questions about this, please feel free to reach out to me. It's a practice. It definitely doesn't happen overnight. I look forward to hearing from you.
If you missed the first five weeks of the series, you can catch up on them here:
#1 Perfectionism
#2 Lack of Clarity
#3 Judgement from Others
#4 Low Self-Worth
#5 Overwhelm
Work on Your Big Dream with a Friend or Colleague and Split the Cost
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