My Journey Off Wine - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Twenty months ago I stopped drinking. (Oct. 2018)
No one would have called me an alcoholic back then, but I felt like an over-drinker. I’d generally have 1-2 full glasses on weekdays and 2-3 on weekends.
At the same time, my body was screaming at me with almost daily tension headaches or migraines.
I managed my headaches by practicing yoga in the mornings, jogging, eating healthy, downloading with girlfriends, hiking in nature, and escaping from the city when I could. Let’s just say I developed a really high pain threshold over time.
I even left my job six months earlier to reduce my stress load and focus on my health but my migraines only got worse. The doctors couldn’t find any obvious reasons for them, along with undiagnosed pain in my left abdomen that kept me from getting quality sleep.
I was frustrated. I didn’t understand. Except deep down I did. I had just been avoiding it for years. My body was finally forcing me to look within - to face the gnawing question that had been nagging me for years.
Is this it? I know I’m meant for more and this is NOT IT! Something is out of alignment.
I had done a great job of taking care of my family and everyone else around me for years, but through it all I had slowly lost touch with who I was and my purpose in life.
I couldn’t answer that question without squirming in discomfort and resentment.
My brain was foggy - physically and figuratively. I was stuck. I had this nagging discontent in my life that I found suffocating. So I drank my discomfort away alongside my hubby and most of my friends.
The wine took the edge off the exhaustion, tediousness and boredom that sometimes came with parenting. It calmed me down when I was driven crazy from construction outside our apartment and the buzzing of the neighbor’s air-conditioning units. It helped me relax at cocktail parties with strangers and at the end of a hectic day shuttling the kids around to their various after-school playdates and activities. It was a lifesaver with a heavy price tag I ignored for too long.
Many days I’d wake up feeling hungover or at the very least foggy-brained, especially as I aged into my early forties.
Over the years, certain types of wine started becoming triggers for migraines and drinking became a gamble. I never knew if it was going to trigger a migraine...yet I’d drink anyways because life would seem dull without it.
Most detrimentally, I wasn’t being truthful to myself. I was burying my true feelings and opinions and wine helped me feel okay about it for years. I'd frequently say yes to things when I really wanted to say no. I also often felt responsible for other people’s feelings and went out of my way to influence their emotions positively or avoid conflict with them whenever possible. I was a people pleaser trying to do good in the world but in the process not being my authentic self. It was exhausting.
But by the fall of 2018 when my migraines had reached their peak, I had a migraine or headache 80% of the time. Something had to change. I had to change, so I hired a life coach.
We got to work exploring my bottled up emotions, articulating my truth and finding clarity around what I wanted to do next. Having a life coach was a God send. She helped me uncover my limiting beliefs, tap into my inner wisdom and plant the seeds for lasting transformation. One of the many decisions I made that I now see had a huge positive impact on my life was my decision to stop drinking.
At first my goal was to detox for three months but I quickly noticed I started sleeping better without wine. There were obviously no morning hangovers and fewer headaches due to reduced triggers, but I also noticed a reduction in my foggy brain over time. My skin also started clearing up as well. With each passing month the payoffs seemed to accumulate.
The biggest adjustment was becoming more aware of all my emotions and opinions about everything. It wasn’t always pleasant. Since I was no longer numbing out at the end of the day with wine, I started sitting in a lot of discomfort. Everything bubbled up. My frustrations with urban living in NYC (I had a list of 50 things I hated about the city), my resentment over giving up my career and prioritizing my husband’s career, and my overall exhaustion from people pleasing everyone I loved and the world. The list was long.
I was always aware of these issues but kept them buried underneath the surface for years unwilling to look at them too closely out of fear of how I’d react if I truly analyzed them. My solution had been to bandaid them with the false pleasure of drinking wine (and sometimes eating cupcakes) which made everything look rosy and palatable. But underneath it all the martyrdom story I was telling myself that I needed to suck it up for the greater good was making me sick.
Eventually my body had enough and was forcing me to confront my sh*t. So I did.
My three months of no alcohol turned into 12 months and now I’m going on 20. Of course sometimes I experienced setbacks or made exceptions on special occasions which are now very rare. But I learned my lessons and moved on with compassion because the positive results only seemed to snowball for me. It was the gift that kept on giving.
With better sleep I gained more energy, freeing me up emotionally and physically to keep working on my sh*t. This played a big part in keeping up with dozens of challenging doctor’s appointments for my migraines. Over the years I had given up on doctors helping me find relief for my migraines, but with coaching and my new mindset of “this time I’m going to find a solution” I decided to give it another try. This made me feel determined to stick with it and keep trying different approaches.
Within a year, I had reduced my headaches and migraines by 70-80% through a combination of medication, breathwork, thought work, diet, exercise, sleep, and physical therapy. I’d also gotten certified as a Life Coach, changed careers, found a working peace with NYC, and taken ownership over issues that I’d previously blamed on others. I also miraculously stopped getting sick (no more colds or flu).
I’m still on this growth journey. My story doesn't end here but I’m so grateful for the amazing progress I've made so far. But I wouldn’t have made it this far if I hadn’t had the courage to first and foremost to stop overdrinking, but also to sit in the discomfort of my emotions, lean into them, acknowledge my truths and start taking steps towards the future I want.
The journey of going off alcohol has taught me a few important lessons the hard way:
First, what you do in one area of your life transfers to other areas. It gave me evidence that I can be very disciplined when I commit to something. When I saw the benefit of going off alcohol, I also decided to cut out sugar and coffee for a year. Cutting out the coffee really helped cut down my brain fog and further improved my migraines. I also lost a lot of weight from cutting out sugar for a year! And we’ve saved tons of money by going off alcohol, enough to pay for a year’s worth of life coaching. :)
Second, listen to your body more. It is probably trying to tell you something. I started having headaches as soon as I moved to NYC and they slowly got worse over time. There was a direct correlation between their intensity and how deeply I was ignoring my emotions. I’ve found this to be true in other areas of life as well. Our bodies are wise. Going off wine cleared my brain long enough to see this.
Third, there is nothing wrong with us if we have negative emotions. It is part of the human experience. It is part of life. We have to get used to processing them in a healthy way. With no alcohol around to dull my emotions, I started trying to allow them... leaning into them. I slowly started working my way through various issues I’d sat on for years. I’m still on this journey. I’m learning to embrace them and know I won’t die. 🥰 Discomfort is the price of growth.
I read recently that alcohol sales are up 55% in the US compared to the same period last year due to COVID-19. If you're struggling with anxiety or using alcohol to numb out like I did in any way and you’re ready to make a change, let’s talk! I can help. Set up a free consult today by clicking here. I’m passionate about helping you design a future you love and look forward to.
Sending you love and light,
Melody 🦋
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