Circumstances In Our Lives Are Neutral Until We Have Thoughts About Them
It finally hit me, rather belatedly I will admit, that I was wasting my morning on something trivial. The rescheduling of our flights was a NEUTRAL circumstance until I gave it meaning with my thoughts. I was creating my own misery, not the airline. Thoughts create our feelings, not the external circumstances in our life. My thoughts about the rescheduling were ruining my morning and if I didn’t stop I would create a negative cloud over our upcoming vacation. I could continue to create drama about it or I could drop my thoughts and move on.
I decided enough negative energy had already been wasted on it.
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Are You Indulging in Overwhelm? Three Steps to Getting Out.
I swam in overwhelm when I was relaunching my career and it still crops up in my life every once in a while. But now I know the source of it and have learned how to manage it better. Thanks to life coaching I’ve come to realize that overwhelm is an indulgent emotion that doesn’t serve us in our lives. We think it comes from our long to do lists but it doesn’t. It comes from our thoughts about them. Our to do list is neutral until we give it meaning with our thoughts. Some of us will choose to think (consciously or unconsciously) “I got this...bring it on!” and others will think “This is too much...I can’t possibly do this all.” That is the difference between whether once experiences overwhelm or not. Your thoughts and how you manage them!
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Three Steps to Cultivating Self-Confidence (Day 30 of 30)
Self-confidence the ability to be secure in yourself and your abilities without any evidence. It is the unshakeable faith in your ability to learn, try and not give up! It is the emotion you want to conjure up to fuel your actions when you are trying something new, like relaunching your career after taking time off to care for our kids or transitioning to a new job. (See my blog that highlights the difference between confidence and self-confidence). Thankfully, it is not a gene that some of us are predisposed to but a skill we can develop. Self-confidence is the emotion of growth that will propel you towards your dreams if you are willing to cultivate it. Below are three steps to cultivating self-confidence.
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Self-Confidence is the Emotion of Growth (Day 29 of 30)
How many of you have big dreams you’d love to accomplish, if only you had the self-confidence to go after them?!
Many of you think self-confidence is an innate gift that some lucky few are born with or that you gain through lots of experience over time. The truth is self-confidence is accessible to everyone. It is a state of being that is created in your mind and you can start cultivating it right away!
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Self-Doubt Is A Sign We Are Growing (Day 28 of 30)
Many of us think that there is something wrong with us when self-doubt rears its ugly head in our lives. It makes us question our capabilities, doubt our value and robs us of our dreams.
New flash: nothing could be further from the truth. Even the most successful people in the world struggle with self-doubt! (Take Serena Williams for instance! She is a world class tennis player but she still experiences self-doubt too.) It is a normal part of the human experience. The difference between those of us who move through it successfully and those who don’t is what we make it mean.
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Constraint: Focusing On What Is Important (Day 27 of 30)
Constraint: a limitation or restriction we put on ourselves to simplify our lives and focus on what is most important!
It sounds easy but it can be seriously challenging to reign in our interests. FOMO anyone?!?
Many of us cringe at hearing the word constraint because we have a phobia of missing out. We have so many things we want to do (or feel like we must do). But following that calling can send many of us into overwhelm pretty quickly - a complaint I hear often from my clients.
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Discipline Is Freedom (Day 21 of 30)
We often think of discipline as being the antithesis of freedom, but in reality they are intimately connected.
If you really want something, you must move through discipline to get there.
Let’s take time as an example - the most valuable commodity of all. Many of us complain about not having enough time and say we are too busy to engage in self-care or look for our dream job. But what if I told you there is always enough time. Time never changes. It is simply what you make time mean and how you use it.
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I Choose Love (Day 20 of 30)
Of all the emotions on the planet to choose from, which one would you choose to feel most often?
I choose love because it feels amazing!
It is interesting that so many of us choose hate in the world today given that love is available to us anytime we want. How? Because our thoughts create our feelings. It takes practice, but the choice is available to us.
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Let Our Loved Ones Be Who They Are (Day 19 of 30)
Do you have an “instruction guide” for how people in your life should behave so you can feel good and happy? Of course you don’t tell them about this guide. It is just assumed they should instinctively know how to treat you properly and will of course comply because they love you or at least care about you.
Many of us have beliefs that we would be happier if someone in our lives would just change. So we spend years trying to change them, causing suffering and exhaustion.
Manuals are a huge cause of suffering for many of us because we are handing over the power of how we feel to someone else. Other people’s behavior has no impact on us emotionally until we think about it, interpret it, and choose to make it mean something.
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Set Yourself Free of Anger and Resentment by Choosing Forgiveness (Day 17 of 30)
How does your body feel when you’re holding anger and resentment towards someone in your life for an offense or mistake they’ve made?
Icky and terrible, right? Like dragging a ball and chain around with you all day.
Ever stop to wonder why?
It's because of the negative thoughts we have about the offender. Those thoughts create feelings in our body that only we can feel. The offender only experiences their interpretation of our behavior, because they have their own thoughts that create their own feelings. We have no control over them.
So if we want to be free of the ball and chain, we have to choose the path of genuine forgiveness. For OUR OWN SAKE. Continuing to think negative thoughts only hurts us.
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Do You Have Your Own Back? (Day 16 of 30)
Imagine your friend comes to you upset and shares with you that she bombed her interview with xyz company and isn’t sure what to do next. It’s been six months of job hunting and she feels like a total loser. She can’t seem to get a break. Will you (A) tell her she's a total loser and you are embarrassed to be her friend? Or will you (B) listen, be compassionate, and offer support?
Most of us would answer B!
Now, the big question. How many of you show up for yourself with the same compassion when you fail? 😘
Do you follow through on your commitments to yourself? 💯
Do you show up for yourself with 100% energy and enthusiasm? 👊
Or are you your own worst critic? 😤
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The Quality of Your Relationships Depend on Your Thoughts (Day 15 of 30)
Loved ones don’t create your feelings. You do, with your thoughts!
Our relationships are simply our thoughts about another person. So the quality of your relationship with your spouse or children depends on the quality of your thoughts about them!
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Why didn't someone teach me this in high school!?! (Day 14 of 30)
Do you want to understand why you feel so crappy or amazing in any given moment? Take a look at your thoughts (not just your conscious thoughts, but also your unconscious ones). Why is this so important? Because your feelings are why you do or don’t do anything in life. They drive all your actions and inactions.
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What Would Your Future Self Do? (Day 12 of 30)
Not sure what to do? Ask your FUTURE self.
Our brain is always trying to seek answers from our PAST…from old experiences and things we know how to do well.
Sometimes this serves us and other times it doesn’t.
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Your Brain Is An Amazing Tool (Day 11 of 30)
Watch what goes on inside without judgement.
How does it work. What makes it tick.
Just observe at first. Get curious.
Learn about it - the physical and mental aspects. It has superpowers.
Take care of it. Nurture it.
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Declutter Your Mind (Day 9 of 30)
How often do you clean and declutter your home? Probably fairly regularly, right? Getting rid of all those old, broken, moldy, ill-fitting or simply unwanted items that no longer serve you is liberating!
Now, how often do you clean and declutter your mind? All those old thoughts that you picked up from your childhood, parents, classmates, college roommates, coworkers, neighbors, old partners…thoughts and habits that over a few decades turned into hard wired belief systems? Ever stop to dust them off, question them, and analyze if they are still valid or relevant in your current life?
Most importantly, are they serving you?
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Allow negative feelings to flow through you (5 of 30)
Most of us resist, avoid or react to uncomfortable emotions, compounding our suffering and creating net-negatives in our lives. Like over-eating or over-drinking to escape feeling the discomfort.
But what if you got really CURIOUS about your feelings?
Where do you FEEL it in your body?
Does it have a color, shape or smell?
Feelings are simply vibrations in our bodies created by our thoughts.
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Practice being grateful (2 of 30)
What are you grateful for today?
I recently completed a 30-day end of year grateful challenge, which was just the right amount of time to get me into a regular attitude of gratitude.
As the month progressed, I could see a change in my awareness as I scanned my day for things to be grateful for. There was definitely a shift from seeing the glass half empty to half full!
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Bring awareness to your thoughts (1 of 30)
Have you noticed our brains are creatures of habit, thinking the same thoughts over and over again?
How often do we question if our thoughts are true, or if they are serving us?
It matters because our thoughts create our feelings, which fuel our actions, which lead to our results. Thus, there is a direct link between our thoughts and results in life!
It serves us to pay attention to our thoughts. Where is our energy flowing? Is this where we want to go?
I spent the last year really watching my brain and the thoughts it created…uncovering those pesky unconscious thoughts took extra effort too.
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NYC is a badass coach! #whyIlovenyc
I’ve had an incredible teacher in my own back yard for years that I’ve been refusing to acknowledge! NYC has been highlighting my weaknesses and blindspots for over a decade, challenging me to listen, grow, and find my voice. Sometimes I rose to the challenge eagerly, other times I buried my head in the sand, resisted, or threatened to move because it felt easier than confronting some truths.
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