Consistently asking myself this question. when things are challenging has been a game changer.
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Being in a conflict with someone is draining. It can leave you frustrated, angry, and resentful. As a result, we see it as a bad thing and tend to avoid it. This can lead to it festering and growing. But what if we could see conflict as an opportunity to deepen our relationship with others or an opportunity for personal growth? Here's how.
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“Hey, I just want you to know I love you to the moon and back! Love, Melody”
How does it feel when someone gives you a handwritten note expressing unconditional love for you or appreciating something awesome about you?
Coming from someone you care about, I bet it feels AMAZING, right?!
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Do you wish you had the ability to handle whatever challenges come your way with self-confidence, courage and grace? If you’d like to take your mental fitness to the next level, join my upcoming 6-Week Mental Fitness Program starting March 5th, 2022.
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Struggling to communicate with a colleague or loved one?
Maybe you’re trying to reach an agreement about something and everything that comes out of their mouth just annoys the hell out of you.
Here’s one approach I’ve found helpful in these situations:
Breathe, get curious and find the 10% truth. Let me explain…
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Did you know that your greatest natural strength can be your greatest weakness when taken to the extreme?
For example, a naturally empathic, loving and giving person, when taken to the extreme could become a people-pleaser who over-gives at the expense of themselves.
What was once a natural strength when abused or overused can become a “shadow” that sabotages your life. It keeps you from feeling good and thus achieving your goals.
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Nothing is more frustrating than planning out your week only to have it discombobulated by surprise schedule requests from your kids or late night work meetings by your spouse? Poof, there go your plans!
The Solution: Weekly Family Meetings!
This entails every family member bringing their schedule to the table and coordinating their needs with the rest of the family.
So many of us moms don’t love our lives because we don't love ourselves enough. We're so harsh on ourselves when we don’t live up to our own expectations. We beat ourselves up for not being perfect and amazing at everything. This lack of self-love and self-compassion is the root cause of so much of our pain and struggles. Many of us associate self-love with narcissism and having a big ego. But self-love is simply having a high regard for our own well-being and happiness.
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With the horrific death of George Floyd last week and the riots that have followed, my blog on calendaring didn’t seem relevant. I just couldn’t hit the send button. I believe we should be reading and following black voices and leaders, reflecting on how we can become part of the solution and taking action.
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Some of us have partners or kids who do notice all our hard work and this certainly makes life a little easier, but most of the time they are busy surviving their own hectic schedules (even more so now with the extra stresses of COVID-19). If only they would say “thank you” more often and recognize our heroic efforts, THEN we’d feel better, appreciated or at the very least be less angry. Sound familiar to anyone?
But here’s the hard and liberating truth. Other people can’t affect our feelings. We are responsible for our own feelings. It’s our job to feel better if that’s what we want.
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Many people think boundaries are for controlling other people’s behavior when in fact they are created as a guide for ourselves to help us delineate where our emotional and physical boundaries begin and end. It is a way of “drawing a circle” around our behavior and ourselves. Boundaries are amazing tools for self-care and enhanced intimacy with loved ones when used in a healthy manner.
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Starting to feel a bit neurotic from being stuck inside with your family?
How many of you are writing “instruction manuals” for how your loved ones should behave so you can feel better during this COVID-19 quarantine? 🤣
I’m certainly tempted to. I’d love for my kids’ rooms to be spotless instead of a collection of dirty dishes and clothes. I wish my husband would massage my sore lower back and take his two computer monitors back to his office downtown. And please God, someone tell our adorable cat to stop shedding so much hair so I don’t have to vacuum daily and start cuddling with me instead. 😝If everyone did this I’d regain a sense of cleanliness and serenity in my home.
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Do you have an “instruction guide” for how people in your life should behave so you can feel good and happy? Of course you don’t tell them about this guide. It is just assumed they should instinctively know how to treat you properly and will of course comply because they love you or at least care about you.
Many of us have beliefs that we would be happier if someone in our lives would just change. So we spend years trying to change them, causing suffering and exhaustion.
Manuals are a huge cause of suffering for many of us because we are handing over the power of how we feel to someone else. Other people’s behavior has no impact on us emotionally until we think about it, interpret it, and choose to make it mean something.
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How does your body feel when you’re holding anger and resentment towards someone in your life for an offense or mistake they’ve made?
Icky and terrible, right? Like dragging a ball and chain around with you all day.
Ever stop to wonder why?
It's because of the negative thoughts we have about the offender. Those thoughts create feelings in our body that only we can feel. The offender only experiences their interpretation of our behavior, because they have their own thoughts that create their own feelings. We have no control over them.
So if we want to be free of the ball and chain, we have to choose the path of genuine forgiveness. For OUR OWN SAKE. Continuing to think negative thoughts only hurts us.
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Imagine your friend comes to you upset and shares with you that she bombed her interview with xyz company and isn’t sure what to do next. It’s been six months of job hunting and she feels like a total loser. She can’t seem to get a break. Will you (A) tell her she's a total loser and you are embarrassed to be her friend? Or will you (B) listen, be compassionate, and offer support?
Most of us would answer B!
Now, the big question. How many of you show up for yourself with the same compassion when you fail? 😘
Do you follow through on your commitments to yourself? 💯
Do you show up for yourself with 100% energy and enthusiasm? 👊
Or are you your own worst critic? 😤
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